Oh, Come, All Ye Grinches

November 1996

"Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
-- Dr. Seuss, "How The Grinch Stole Christmas"

Well, the holiday shopping season officially starts this month. Time for those well-known traditions and rituals we've all grown up with. On "Black Friday," Geoffrey the Giraffe, Barbie, and GI Joe meet in the "Toys R' Us" War Room to plot marketing strategy and begin bombarding children's television with the latest "everybody - else - has - one - they're - only - $49.95 - please - Mom - can - I - have - it" toys. Parking at the malls becomes difficult without a map and a Disney World-style tram system. Credit cards, still licking the wounds from last year's carnage, return to battle. And ordinary shoppers, in the holiday spirit of giving and cooperation, become rampaging Bargain Commandos, charging their way through the crowds and extended shopping hours to milk every last drop of consumerism before The Big Day.

All the activity isn't confined to the stores, of course. Gift-Givers constantly review their lists of purchase values to insure gift parity with their giv-ees: "Cross off 'TV' for the Nelsons, they gave a McDonalds gift-certificate in a used greeting card. Send them the fruitcake Aunt Edna mailed us last Christmas." Most malls post Given-to-Received Gift Value Conversion Charts in their directory stations for shoppers with any questions.

There are also yearly decoration rituals that need to be done. Neatly-wrapped light sets stored away from last year somehow mutate into a Gordian knot that would take Einstein days to solve. Santa's R&D Department postulates that the ornaments are nesting in the off-season, and use the spare extension cords to feed their young. Holiday decoration is actually competitive for some. For years, my in-laws and their neighbors have been escalating their decorating to surpass each other's outdoor-display efforts. Both sides have agreed to a summit meeting this year, thankfully, because the lit houses can now be seen from space.

Yes, the modern celebration of Peace On Earth, Goodwill Towards Men is becoming Survival of the Fittest Credit Report, and The Celebration has become The Obligation. But after all the gifts are wrapped, the cards are sent, and commitments met, we still can experience the "real" holiday. If everything we go through every year gives us a few moments of true peace, happiness, time with loved ones, renewed faith and a little spiritual cleansing, all the modern inconveniences and tribulations we attach to the season are all worth enduring...

Except for the gift returns.

A blessed Christmas and Hanukkah to everyone.

LEGAL STUFF: All content copyright © 1996-2006 Daniel O'Leary. All rights reserved. No unauthorized duplication, publication, or distribution.

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He has previously written online editorials to NJ-shout.com (RIP), Great Society.org, and Songsource.com, among others. He has also been featured in ShoreGuide and AbsoluteWrite.com.

Dan is a current member of the NetWits humorist's collective.

Since his early twenties, Dan's writings have also been prominently featured on the refrigerator in his parents' home. "Sure, they make no sense," Mrs. O'Leary comments, "but we're proud of him -- no matter what everyone else says."